My 1st & Last Day at the Rub 'n Tug
I'm a pro at being an online hoe. How hard can it be to transition from online sex-work to in-person sex-work?*
The Interview
I walked through the opaque glass door to find a reception desk. Immediately a man in front of the desk turned around and stared deeply at me. The woman behind the desk greeted me, and I told her I was there for my interview. The man ogled at me as I walked behind the desk, following the manager into the break room. To start, she asked me some questions about my experience in this industry. Of course, I brought up my big flex of being in the top 20% on OnlyFans, before breaking the news that I'm not a full-service sex-worker. The top 20% didn't really impress her, considering she's in the top 2%. She explained the rules of the business, like how to fold towels properly, how to prepare the rooms, answer the phones, etc. She looked at my 2 pieces of photo ID, and I had to sign a bunch of paperwork. Then, I had to choose a work name, which is supposed to be fun and easy, right?
I couldn't use Lola because there's already a Lola working there.
I couldn't use Barbie because it sounded too "strippery" (Did I get slut-shamed at the rub 'n tug lol ???)
After about 5 minutes of brainstorming with the manager, I brought up my favourite name. The one I always imagined I would name my daughter if I ever have one:
Chloe
(I won't be naming my future daughter that anymore)
One thing that immediately rubbed me the wrong way was when the manager (who is not there full-time), told me that if we're ever in danger, to press the panic button, which will alert the security guard's phone, and then he'll jump in his car, call the manager, and they'll both drive to the spa to check on us.... Sorry?? There's no on-duty manager or security guard??? This place is open 24/7, and in a very dangerous part of town. I shouldn't need to imagine the things that could happen to us in the time before this on-call security guard would arrive in an emergency.
Finally, the manager had me fill out my profile on their website, which would have photos, measurements, and a cute little message from me. She took some shitty pics of me for the site, and within about an hour, Chloe was available for booking.
Job Training
After the interview, I was given my one and only training session, where I would join another "massage attendant" (that's what we're called) with her client. I could tell the client was just as nervous as I was when he found out he would have a bonus girl participating in his massage. We took him to our room, a regular room with a massage table, a shower, and a sink. After stepping out of the room to allow him to undress and shower, we went back to the reception desk and filled in some paperwork for the appointment, such as the time, the length, and the cost of the massage. Then we go back into the room to find him naked on the massage table. My trainer and I get fully nude and start rubbing baby oil on this man from head to toe (well, ankle actually, because he kept his socks on). About 10 minutes in, she tells him to turn over, and she starts gently massaging his cock. The two of us walk around the table, rubbing different areas of his body for like 10 minutes. I'll be honest, I don't really know how to give a proper handjob. I just try different things and hope for the best. So I was super nervous to be doing it in a professional setting because I'm far from a pro. But within seconds of touching it, magic happened. I can't really take credit for it, my trainer definitely did most of the work, but it still felt so amazing to just touch someone and have them instantly cum... I hope all clients are this easy! He tipped her almost $100 for the 30-minute massage and left with a smile on his face. That's it. That was the training.
Coworkers
I really liked the girls I worked with, even though one of them warned me against making friends here, stating that coworkers are acquaintances, not friends. The 3 girls working on my shift were really helpful, although intimidating. Their skills, knowledge, and confidence really inspired me. I think there are like 50 girls in total working at this business (rotating across 4 local locations), so I'll be meeting new girls every shift.
I don't care if this is cheesy, but one of the main reasons I took this job was to connect with other sex workers in my area and make new friends. I've been so blessed with the friends and connections I've made through blogging and being involved in the bimbo community, but having no "real life" sex worker friends became very isolating. I learned more from those 3 girls today than I ever learned in sex-ed, porn, or awkward conversations with my mom.
One thing I noticed is that the other girls don't follow any of the rules. In my 8-hour shift, here are some of the rules that were broken: (No shade, it actually helped me feel a lot more comfortable around them)
-Attendant sleeping between appointments
-Attendant not wearing heels
-Attendant walking around with nipples out
-No attendant at reception desk
My Own Clients
I was there for about an hour before getting my first real booking. I was lucky to get a polite, older, handsome gentleman who was excited to be my first client. I set up the room, and then gave him a few minutes to shower, before walking back in to find him lying face down on the massage table. I grab the baby oil, and he says he doesn't want it. So I do my best to rub his body down with my clammy hands, making small talk about the city we live in, and the best beaches in the area. After a few minutes he asks, "So are you gonna get naked?" ... I was supposed to take off my clothes at the beginning of the massage, DUH! He has a good sense of humor about it and goes easy on me knowing it's my first day, and I'm praying he'll still tip. He turns onto his back and I start massaging his cock. He asks if I do full-service. I don't. He asks for a blow job... yeah, I guess I can do that. So I hop onto the table and start licking it. He asks me to 69, so I get into position, and let his tongue work its magic. Overall, it was a good experience physically. At the end of the half-hour, he puts his pants on and starts counting $50 bills in his hand. He hands me 6 of them. $300, setting a precedent that would soon disappoint me when I found out that most men don't tip that generously. We hug, and he leaves.
I bounce out of my room excited to tell the girlies about my first client. He's well-known at the spa for being a great tipper. I tell the girls about the session... and they stop me.
"You let him eat you out?"
"You didn't put a condom on him?"
"You didn't discuss your prices?"
"You let him rub baby oil in your pussy?"
"Girlllll...."
Oops. I learned a lot about sex-ed and sex work today, and I will be making an appointment to get tested ASAP. But like, really? Do men really wear condoms during blowjobs? Their tongues can really give me an STI? Baby oil is bad for your puss? Why am I just finding this out at 26 years old? They didn't mention any of this in the interview/training.
So, that was a cool experience. I figured I was ready to pack it up and call it a day, but no, another call for Chloe. A fit, handsome young man, thank God! Right? Actually no. I could immediately tell that he likes to be in charge, making up for his short stature with aggression and pushiness. He wanted to 69, sure, obviously, I didn't learn my lesson the first time, because, without a second thought, his raw cock was in my mouth and he was hammering at my vagina with his tongue and fingers. After showing him my very poor deepthroating skills, he asks me to suck his balls. One thing about me, I'd rather suck balls than cock, so I was more than comfortable with that. But all of a sudden he lifts his pelvis higher, and higher until my tongue reaches a wet hole. I ate my first (and hopefully last) butthole today. Alhamdulillah, the anus-sucking only lasted about a minute before we switched positions. Long story short, he asks for full-service, again, and again, and again. I tell him I'm a virgin, thinking it would get him to take my "no" seriously. He wants to take my virginity.. lol.. so the blowjob continued for a bit, then he stuck his tongue in my mouth, then he told me to bite the pillow so I wouldn't moan so loud during the ferocious finger-banging that he was doing to my ass and pussy. Btw, I hate hate HATE butt stuff, but I didn't have the confidence to express that. The post-nut shower and re-dressing part of the session is quickly becoming the most awkward part of these appointments. Eventually, he handed me $100 and said he couldn't wait to come back and see me again. Yayyy...
By 6pm, I was feeling pretty gross - my hair extensions were basically matted, my makeup was beyond repair, I even took my heels off. I'm sitting on the couch in the back when I hear the receptionist talking to a client. I hear her say, "The blonde one? From this morning?" and then I get called up to reception, where I see that man who stared at me when I walked in this morning. He had been thinking about me all day and wanted to make an appointment with me. Unfortunately, I didn't have my next shift scheduled yet, so I couldn't book him in. But it really made my day knowing that he was so attracted to me in the 2 seconds that I walked past him that he had to come back and meet me.
Money Money Money
A regular massage (all massages include at least a hand job), costs $50 per half-hour. Of that, the attendant gets $15, giving the other $35 to the spa.
A VIP massage (bigger room, normal bed instead of massage table) costs $75, of that, the attendant earns $30, giving $45 to the spa.
There is also a monthly fee of $100 that attendants pay the spa. The manager warned me of all the ways I could get extra "fines", such as missing a shift ($200 fine), being late ($1 per minute), taking naps, leaving the reception desk unattended, letting clients stay too long, etc.
Seeing as this is my first time working at an actual brick-and-mortar sex business, I think this pricing system is unethical. These girlies deserve WAY more than $15 for their time. Especially considering we're expected to provide our own lube, condoms, etc. With that said, I know that it's common for strippers to have to pay "house fees" to dance, so this is pretty much the same idea. However, I would imagine that those fees probably go toward hiring an on-duty security guard or bouncer, but I can't say the same for this brothel.
Technically, we're self-employed, so there's no hourly pay. Apparently some days girls go home with no money after working 9+ hours.The vast majority of your income will come from tips. In the 8 hours I worked today, I earned $40 from the spa. That's $40 for 8 hours of walking in heels, cleaning, answering phone calls, licking buttholes, having baby oil in my coochie, jerking off 3 cocks, sucking 2, and being violently fingered.
Thank God that I was able to make an extra $400 in tips because that $40 was SO. NOT. WORTH. IT.
One thing I quickly noticed, is that this job also costs a lot of money. Not only in lube and condoms, but in the pounds of makeup you re-apply after every client, in the hair extensions that your client was too rough on, other beauty products/maintenance, sexy dresses, lingerie, heels, the monthly fee, and the fines. Plus the $30+ I spend on Uber-ing back and forth because I'm just a baby and I don't drive.
That Weird Feeling
It's anxiety, obviously. I have anxiety when I have to go grocery shopping, why did I think that having my holes intruded by strangers all day wouldn't trigger a post-work panic attack?
So I did what any mature, mentally-stable adult would do, and I called my mom after work. She doesn't support sex work but understands why I do it. She's not the type of mom who gets mad at me, or even visibly disappointed. But I could hear the pain in her voice when I told her about my day, and I didn't even give her the dirty details. I'm grateful to have a strong support system, but I could feel her asking God to give her the strength to hear what I was saying.
The panic attack passed, but the weird feeling didn't. It's not just anxiety. But whatever it is, I feel it physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The feeling is fear of whatever infections and diseases I may contract through this job.
The feeling is shame, as I struggle to let go of the ideas of purity and eternal damnation.
The feeling is pride, that I did this thing that I've been working toward for a long time as I continue my battle with body dysmorphia and sexual trauma.
The feeling is regret, that I gave too much of myself to men who didn't deserve it.
The feeling is disgust. The smell of cum, sweat, and baby oil followed me home.
The feeling is relief, that I can pay my rent, pay off my credit card, and work toward my financial goals
The feeling is intimacy, not with the men, but from spending the day bonding with these really cool girls who have so much knowledge about sexuality, womanhood, and the adult industry.
The feeling is beauty. These men looked at me like I was an angel. They didn't treat me like I was an angel, but the look in their eyes and the excitement on their face when they met me made me feel like a celebrity.
The feeling is loss. I'm mourning the loss of the Christian tradwife that I wanted to become. The faithful husband and daughter that may never exist.
The feeling is excitement. Yesterday I didn't know how I was going to continue to pay rent, now I'm already thinking about my next cosmetic procedure. Lip injections? Lipo360 & lift? Facelift? BBL? The world is my oyster with the $440 I earned today.
The feeling is hopelessness. This industry showed me a side of men that will never let me feel safe, valued or genuinely loved by them.
But the feeling is still anxiety, a lot of anxiety. And I don't know when or if it'll go away.
Conclusion, Manifestations & TLDR
I'm going back on Friday (to a different location, with different coworkers), and I'm going to learn to set clear boundaries. I'm going to make my clients wear condoms. I'm going to make friends and learn so much. I'm going to be a throat goat. I'm also maybe going to figure out how to create a job for myself with this company as a social media manager because they've been inactive on social media since 2018 and I'm studying digital marketing. 🤞🏼
This job is a stepping stone in my weird, messy life, and that's okay. It's okay if I quit after my next shift. It's okay if I do this for 6 months or a year or however long I need to figure out my next step.
TLDR: Full-service sex work isn't for everyone. Adult spas are brothels. I feel beautiful and disgusting.
Next Day Updates
Thank you so so so much to all the girlies who got in touch and shared their experiences. It's such a blessing to not have to go on this adventure alone. Here are some updates that I've realized today, and feedback I wanted to respond to.
Some people took my Instagram story where I say I feel like a sewer rat as a dig at FSSW. Let me clarify, I have respect and admiration for people who offer full-service. FSSWs are not comparable to rats. I felt like a sewer rat because I looked and felt disgusting by the end of the shift, from matted hair extensions, melted makeup, and the grime of bodily fluids coating my body.
Many people are pointing out that I went into this job with no research, skills, or experience. The job description specifically states that no experience is required, and they are incredibly vague about the job description. I didn't know what I was getting into until I was in my first solo massage. The online research was also unhelpful because it basically just says "All parlours are different, some are just handjobs and nude massage, and some are more." My "research, skill building, and experience" could only come from actually taking the leap and trying out this job. I took a big step that I felt was absolutely necessary due to my financial situation, and I realized it wasn't for me. That can happen in any career and doesn't mean that no one should be working those jobs, just that I wasn't meant for this specific job. Also, everyone starts somewhere, how can you judge someone just for sharing their own experience at a new job? There's nothing wrong with trying new things, every FSSW has a "first day" on the job, and I know for a fact that many have felt the exact same way that I've described.
*I didn't think I'd have to explain this, but I'm aware that the top 20% of OF isn't a huge deal and it doesn't make me a pro. It was a joke that I made during the interview, and the interviewer knew that I wasn't serious about being a professional at anything. However, to me, it is something I take pride in. As I've mentioned many times, I've lived with debilitating body dysmorphia for nearly a decade. If I look the way I think I look, no one would pay to look at me or talk to me. Every subscription and tip I get on OnlyFans means the world to me because it gives me the external validation of my appearance that I need sometimes. The top 20% is higher than I ever thought I would get, and actually, I am pretty proud of it.
Remember when I said that the men looked at me like I was an angel? Actually, maybe they didn't. Maybe they looked at me like I was a product that they wanted to buy. The warm feeling from their gaze only gave me validation in my appearance, it didn't make me feel genuinely beautiful or valued.
I slept 3 hours last night because the feeling wouldn't go away. I feel it more physically today, in my neck, my stomach, and my bones. I texted the manager to let her know that I don't feel like I can work more than 1 shift per week. She understands and warned me that night shifts would be even worse. I asked her if I could take some time to work on my mental health and my ability to set boundaries, and then possibly re-apply in the future.
And that's the beginning and end of my life at the brothel. I'm still figuring out my next step, if I want to seek "regular" employment, or focus more heavily on OnlyFans, or wait a few months until I can get a digital marketing job. Ultimately my dream job is no job, but I'm determined to provide the lifestyle that myself and my dogs deserve, so I have a feeling that I'll be on to my next adventure very soon.
Note: Plz don't take any of this as whorephobia or slut-shaming, the way I am currently looking at myself is not the way I look at other people in this industry. This is a very personal issue. I know that full-service sex work is empowering and enjoyable for many of you, but it's not for me. Due to my upbringing, mental health, and past trauma, full-service does more harm than it's worth for me, and I'm trying to figure out how long I'll be able to continue this "semi-service" that I've been offering.
